the acting bug...

So I thought I should share a little bit with all of you about my whole acting "thing." I have to say that without acting, without the theatre, I would not be who I am today. I auditioned for and was cast in my very first show (sad to say, not the same show) at the age of 5. Not only does performing shape my personality, it has shaped my life by bringing people to me that I might otherwise have never met. I met my first boyfriend at Cabaret Supper Theater. We shared our first kiss there, too. I have a wide network of people who have built me up, shaped me, loved me, and been loved by me. It has taught me things. Memory skills, teamwork, musical ability, emotional connectedness, grace under pressure, confidence, and many other very valuable lessons. These have served me throughout my life and I hope will continue to do so.

I don't just love performing, I love watching others perform as well. I love musicals, I love comedies, I love dramas, I love a little bit of all of it. Musicals are definitely my favorites to perform in, but I'm told I'm funny sometimes, so comedies are really fun for me, too. Also, being the sex goddess that I am, I tend to be cast as the mistress, the tart, the slut, the slutty ingenue, the...well, I think you get the point. It's a tough cross to bear, being the go-to sexy chick, but it's my cross and I'll bear it well...

Doing a show, no matter how big or how small, is a HUGE time commitment. Between rehearsals themselves, learning lines/songs/choreography/etc., and the time to and from and in between rehearsals and work, I get very little time for myself or for relaxation or really much of anything. But I wouldn't trade it. I need it. I live on it. I thrive. It keeps me sane. I work so hard on a show, I almost always get very sick as soon as it closes. Sometimes it's more emotional this physical, but no less draining. And at some point during the run of the show, I start questioning my sanity--why would I do this to myself? I want my life back! I need SLEEP! I want to watch TV and make a real dinner and have a whole weekend to myself or to spend time with friends! But then...

Then we take those curtain calls...I hear the applause, the cheers, and I feel all that love and joy and I wouldn't trade that feeling for ANYTHING. Then I get to see my friends and family and supporters and hug them and get kisses and flowers and ego love, and it makes it ALL so worth it.

Although, no matter how many times I do this...how many performances, no matter how many songs I learn or dances I dance or lines I spout or giggles I tease from my audience...I get nervous every time. Sometimes worse than other times, but I've learned to love and embrace the nerves. I learned that if I'm not nervous, it means I don't care, and I will fuck it up royally. I have to be invested...desperately invested...in this role, this story, this EPIC. Some shows it starts very early in the day, and for those shows, I try to take at least half of the workday before opening night off. This gives me time to slow down, relax, and get focused. I usually can't eat very much before a performance, and certainly nothing very rich or heavy. I try not to even drink too much water because...well, inevitably, just before I'm about to go onstage, I have this moment: "Oh, oh no...Oh goodness...I have to PEE...OH! Oh no, no, no, I'm going to throw up...Shit, no, shit...yes...that's it, oh gah, I'm going to shit myself...Bathroom, I need the bathroom...Oh god, now I don't have time/can't get out of this costume/am too far away..." Then sometimes I go through something like this: "Oh god, I'm going to forget my lines. What if I forget my lines? What if SOMEONE ELSE forgets their lines? What if I mess up that lyric again? Will I hit that note? I've got to get that right, or I'm bombing out there...OK, go over the song...OK, go over the choreography...OK, I think I've got this...Oh god, I am going to fuck this up so bad!" Of course, no sooner do I step onto the stage than that is completely forgotten.

That's why I love this so much. I get to step onto a stage and for a couple of hours or so, I get to be someone else. I usually have a very similar routine for each show, including what I wear to the theater and how I carry all the stuff I will need. I sit down at "my spot" in the dressing room and begin changing my appearance. This is all very meditative for me and I'm not my usual talkative, friendly self. I may answer you if you address me, may crack-some-wise, but mostly I try to stay quiet and allow myself to get focused. I put on makeup in a very certain way for the character. I style my hair differently or put on a wig so that I get farther and farther away from looking like myself. Then I step into a costume and the transformation is complete...I am now another person. This someone else doesn't have my problems, doesn't have my headache, doesn't worry about my job or my house or all the things I have to get done this weekend. I get to play...no, I get to BECOME someone else. I step out of myself and let this other person take over for a while. And her problems get wrapped up/solved/remediated during the course of her 2-hour journey. Somehow, when I remove myself from her to go home...when I take off the costume and wash off the makeup and take down the hair, I'm back to myself again...but my problems don't seem as major anymore. Sometimes my headache is gone. Other times it hurts even more than it did before but I still feel, somehow, better. Maybe I'm all hopped up on adrenaline and afterglow, and that's OK. It restores my soul more than any church or religion ever could. On the stage is where I both find myself and leave myself. It is my first love and my last love. It consumes me, it builds me, it destroys me and nourishes me. The theatre is my Alpha and my Omega.

Theatrically,
Lola