DISCLAIMER: The views expressed herein are mine and mine alone. They do not reflect the opinions of my friends, family, co-workers, employer, or anyone's but my own.
This is something else that's been weighing on my mind a lot lately, in large part because of what I do. Without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that my job requires me to be intimately acquainted with applications. And all the time, I see the silliest mistakes on these applications and can't help but wonder what people are thinking. (I'll save my rant about peoples' wild and crazy names for another time, dears.) So for all of your reading pleasure, I'd like to present Lola's Tips for Filling out Applications. It matters not if they are job applications, loan or lease, college applications, or what. I'm just asking for a little attention to be paid.
1. If you're filling out an electronic application of some kind, TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS JUST AS RUDE AS IT IS ON FACEBOOK, VIA EMAIL, OR ANY OTHER TYPED COMMUNICATION SO PLEASE STOP DOING IT. I KNOW IT'S EASIER BUT IT MAKES YOU LOOK LAZY AND I FEEL AS IF YOUR INFORMATION IS BEING SCREAMED AT ME FROM THE PAGE. Ahem. Thanks.
2. Please know the difference between "County" and "Country." It's really silly how often I see those two answers get mixed up, and it's always really obvious you just weren't paying attention.
3. If the application asks for a nickname or preferred name, I promise it's referring to your preferred first name only. If your legal last name and preferred last name don't line up, getting that paperwork squared away via the proper channels is on you, and it causes all kinds of havoc for me and my kind when you "accidentally" lie about what your legal name really is. Also, even if you go by "Big Hoss," "McDangle," "Super Sassy," or "Babee Gurl," just stick with a derivative of your name, if that's what you go by, or leave it blank. I'm assuming you're trying to make a good impression on whomever will be reading said application, so just consider that as you're filling it out.
3.a. If you list your preferred name as a school you previously attended, I'm going to wonder what question you thought you were answering. I'm saying it because it's happened, folks.
3.b. If you've never legally had a different last name, it's not necessary to list your previous name as the name you currently have.
4. If you can't spell the city or county in which you currently reside, I'm going to question your claim of legal residency. Just sayin'.
5. If an application asks for several phone numbers, such as your home, work and cell, and you list the same for all three, how am I to know if it's really a cell phone or a landline? Sometimes this information is important. If you only have a cell number, then simply list that in the proper space and leave the rest blank.
6. If an application asks you for prior universities or colleges attended, and you list the school to which you're applying, including dates that occur in the future, you're making my life difficult. Knock it off. If you haven't been anywhere yet, that's ok, we all gotta start somewhere, right?
7. If you're filling out an application for a job you've held before, an employer for whom you've previously worked, or re-admitting to a school of any kind, please don't assume that they have all of your most current information, or even that the old information they have on you is correct. Generally, we treat every application as new, and sometimes don't even have the ability to double-check some of your old information (depending on the circumstances). So please, be thorough and pretend that this is all brand-new information for us, even if you feel it's redundant.
8. Your birthdate should be the day, month and year that you were actually birthed (or whatever your legal documentation says it is). What I mean to say is that if you list your correct day and month but the current year as your date of birth, you again may be causing all kinds of havoc, so knock it off. Please.
9. Please learn the difference between "approximately" and "exactly." They are two very different words with different meanings and should be treated as such.
10. Trust me, the application is interested in what you actually accomplished, not what you were enrolled in or hoping to complete. For example, if you list that you earned 12 credit hours from the University of Bologna, but then indicate you also earned a Bachelor's degree from said school, but don't list any other colleges you've attended, I have to wonder what's going on. Either you earned 12 hours and completed a degree with work earned at another school, or you earned 12 hours and NOT a degree.
11. The emergency contact information we ask for is for your own good. You don't have to fill it out, that's cool with me, I get it. But if you do, please ensure you list their complete name (first and last--I don't want to make any assumptions about their relation to you), the complete address if it's asked for (I can't tell you how many times I've gotten a street address but no city or state--we do actually utilize this information), and finally, be sure you list the complete phone number--that's the MOST IMPORTANT PART! I canNOT assume that the phone number you listed is attached to a local area code, especially when you didn't give me a city or state with the address! Also, if the application asks for this person's relationship to you, I'd rather you leave it blank than put "Baby Mama." (Again, I'm saying this because it has happened.)
12. And finally, please, just be honest. If you lie, mis-represent information, or try to get something over on us, we WILL find out. Just trust me, we have our ways. I certainly understand honest mistakes, not knowing exact dates or amount of credit earned, but if you lie and say you attended a school you didn't, you're causing extra work for yourself AND me. Also, if you conveniently leave off a certain school you attended because you didn't perform as well as you'd hoped academically speaking, we WILL find out, and you'll cause extra work for a whole lot of people, including yourself.
My darlings, I don't think all people who fill out applications and make mistakes on them are idiots, and I hope you haven't been given this impression. I want you all to make smashing good impressions on the people reading your applications, and I want to help you help yourself. Please, just take your time, pay attention, and if you have questions, ASK THEM!
Helpfully,
Lola
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
a little catching up...
The DH is all hard-working monkey now that he's retired...2 part-time jobs and will be going to school full-time in just over a week. So I'll have time, maybe, to post more. I'll try anyway. OK, I'll think about it more. I really do have things I want to write about, and sometimes I even make notes, but somehow I rarely manage to make/take the time and I should, because I love it so much. Even if none of you are reading it, though I hope you are. At the moment, I'm updating my iTunes, which is quite a chore because of the seemingly billions of podcasts I listen to. Plus I had to buy some new music, and take some old stuff off--you know the deal. What I'm saying is that I'm in front of the compy here at home, got some music playing, checking my Facebook, and typing away. Cold beer in front of me, kittehs at my feet, and here we go...
The 1st thing that springs to mind that I've been wanting to write about is poop. Well, maybe not poop specifically, but poop-adjacent...um...apropos of poop...OK, I think you get the point. Those of you who know me personally know that I will rarely pass up a chance for a conversation about poop. I love to talk about poop, largely because everyone does it but it's still such a verboten topic, and it makes me laugh. Plus I enjoy making people uncomfortable.
So I have this sort of on-going battle happening in the restroom at work. There are close to 30 or 35 people altogether working on my floor, and nearly all of them are women. We have 3 stalls, and for some bizarre reason, 2 urinals...Yes, it's strange. Yes, I've seen feet in those stalls, which is even stranger. Anyway, I personally sometimes feel that 1 stall should be the designated poop stall, although I realize this could present a problem if more than 1 of us needs to poop at the same time, so practicality deems that we scratch that idea. My issue is the air freshener (which shall heretofore be referred to as "AF.") We generally all take turns purchasing a can or 2 of air freshener for the bathroom, which is placed on the floor between 2 of the stalls. Look I get it, easy access for both, right? Sure. I don't like it, I prefer my AF to be placed on top of the toilet paper dispenser, for discreet access. I mean, I like discretion even though I like to talk about poop. So usually when I require the AF, I kick the flusher to cover up the noise of the spray, then quietly place the giant metal can of AF on the toilet paper dispenser. Makes sense, right? But every time I come back in there, there the AF is, on the floor once more. Fine, I get it. Except. Except that now, we have 2 cans of AF. That's right, there's enough for 2 of the 3 stalls to have their own, and therefore both be designated as poop stalls. So why, for FSM'S SAKE WHY, do I continue to come into the bathroom and find BOTH cans sitting inches away from one another, beneath the stall divider?!?! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why they BOTH now need to be placed on the floor, especially TOGETHER! I don't think we really need variety of fragrance choices at work when it comes to pooping. Lavender, vanilla, lemon, I don't give a shit (see what I did there?) as long as it covers the fucking poop smell!! But no. No, I must be subjected to this non-stop, passive-aggressive battle over proper placement of the AF. Fucks' sake. DISCLAIMER: The views expressed herein are mine & mine alone. They do not reflect those of my friends, family, co-workers, employer, or anyone else I know.
The other minor thing is that I've been having really elaborate, very vivid dreams lately, and not all of them are medication-induced, alcohol-induced, or food-induced. At least I don't think they are. I've always done this, but lately I seem to be remembering them more. Last night I dreamed that I was living in a post-Utopian future, and I was an indentured sex servant to a soldier (hint: he looked a bit like a young Hugh Jackman bred with Ryan Reynolds) in this really extreme, futuristic military faction. The problem was that we were in love with each other, but if anyone found out, we could both be killed. It was very intense and romantic and a little sexy but also sort of sad.
I have other things to share with you, but I think I'm going to save those to another post so as not to get too terribly messy and stream-of-consciousness with you.
With love and poop,
Lola
The 1st thing that springs to mind that I've been wanting to write about is poop. Well, maybe not poop specifically, but poop-adjacent...um...apropos of poop...OK, I think you get the point. Those of you who know me personally know that I will rarely pass up a chance for a conversation about poop. I love to talk about poop, largely because everyone does it but it's still such a verboten topic, and it makes me laugh. Plus I enjoy making people uncomfortable.
So I have this sort of on-going battle happening in the restroom at work. There are close to 30 or 35 people altogether working on my floor, and nearly all of them are women. We have 3 stalls, and for some bizarre reason, 2 urinals...Yes, it's strange. Yes, I've seen feet in those stalls, which is even stranger. Anyway, I personally sometimes feel that 1 stall should be the designated poop stall, although I realize this could present a problem if more than 1 of us needs to poop at the same time, so practicality deems that we scratch that idea. My issue is the air freshener (which shall heretofore be referred to as "AF.") We generally all take turns purchasing a can or 2 of air freshener for the bathroom, which is placed on the floor between 2 of the stalls. Look I get it, easy access for both, right? Sure. I don't like it, I prefer my AF to be placed on top of the toilet paper dispenser, for discreet access. I mean, I like discretion even though I like to talk about poop. So usually when I require the AF, I kick the flusher to cover up the noise of the spray, then quietly place the giant metal can of AF on the toilet paper dispenser. Makes sense, right? But every time I come back in there, there the AF is, on the floor once more. Fine, I get it. Except. Except that now, we have 2 cans of AF. That's right, there's enough for 2 of the 3 stalls to have their own, and therefore both be designated as poop stalls. So why, for FSM'S SAKE WHY, do I continue to come into the bathroom and find BOTH cans sitting inches away from one another, beneath the stall divider?!?! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND why they BOTH now need to be placed on the floor, especially TOGETHER! I don't think we really need variety of fragrance choices at work when it comes to pooping. Lavender, vanilla, lemon, I don't give a shit (see what I did there?) as long as it covers the fucking poop smell!! But no. No, I must be subjected to this non-stop, passive-aggressive battle over proper placement of the AF. Fucks' sake. DISCLAIMER: The views expressed herein are mine & mine alone. They do not reflect those of my friends, family, co-workers, employer, or anyone else I know.
The other minor thing is that I've been having really elaborate, very vivid dreams lately, and not all of them are medication-induced, alcohol-induced, or food-induced. At least I don't think they are. I've always done this, but lately I seem to be remembering them more. Last night I dreamed that I was living in a post-Utopian future, and I was an indentured sex servant to a soldier (hint: he looked a bit like a young Hugh Jackman bred with Ryan Reynolds) in this really extreme, futuristic military faction. The problem was that we were in love with each other, but if anyone found out, we could both be killed. It was very intense and romantic and a little sexy but also sort of sad.
I have other things to share with you, but I think I'm going to save those to another post so as not to get too terribly messy and stream-of-consciousness with you.
With love and poop,
Lola
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