"Hey-
My name is Erin!! I heard you say you didn't believe in God!! He Will/?? (it appears to me she's referencing Will.I.Am here, but I didn't think he had such a deity complex...Honestly, I can't read what that says.) do Amazing thing (just the 1 thing, for the record...what is it??!) in you life (my inner English teacher is being murdered slowly with this note)!! Please Call & we can visit!" On the back, she actually left her phone number, which I have kindly and graciously opted to not post.
I received this note from a waitress at a local eatery, who told me that "some girl" had asked her to give it to me. I was enjoying a leisurely, late lunch with my DH and my Tobias. (Tobias is my new friend, he's my gay husband, he's my new friend soul-mate...I have promised to blog about him but this took precedence. Later, faithful readers. Promise.) Please keep in mind that yes, I am an Atheist/Anti-theist, that the DH is more or less indifferent to the whole thing, and that Tobias is also an Atheist. I have already posted this note to Facebook, and it started quite a conversation there. I had no intention or desire to post another blog about religion or my lack of faith so soon after the last one, but this pretty much forced me to. So here goes...
There are SO MANY WRONGS here, and I've said all I'm going to say about the atrocious grammar. I will also ignore the excessive exclamation points. First and foremost, this note is rude, passive-aggressive, and completely un-called-for. I have no idea who handed it to the waitress to pass to me, which is a completely juvenile move in & of itself, for she apparently handed it to the innocent go-between and then promptly left, not even waiting around for my (priceless, I'm sure) reaction. So score 1 for passive-aggression and 2 points for immaturity (the note passing, then the leaving). That leaves the note-passer up 3 points at the start. With me so far? Good. Let's continue...
My initial reaction was, "Are you freaking kidding me with this?" Again, the passive-aggression and the lack of maturity really got to me here. Then it hit me that I don't care HOW loud I was being (I'm not a shrinking violet and tend to "perform," even for my dining companions--I really don't do it deliberately but it's my nature and I forget to rein it in), this little tidbit of conversation, not to mention the REST of our conversation, was NONE OF HER BUSINESS. So let's give her another point for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. That's Erin-4, Lola-zip.
Some of my FB friends blatantly stated that I was only bothered because this note was about "God." I have several points to make about this: 1) Yes, I'm bothered that the note was about "God." 2) I'm bothered that they didn't think I should be bothered that the note was about "God." 3) If the roles were reversed, this discussion would have taken on a whole other flavor. 4) Frankly, I should be upset about it REGARDLESS of the subject, as her nosiness was altogether out of line. (I'm going to go ahead and score myself a point for each of those, but as one of them was directed at my FB friends and not Erin, we'll call it Erin-4, Lola-3. Fair enough?)
Let's address those 1st 3 in a bit more depth, shall we? 1) Yes, I'm bothered that the note was about "God." I don't believe in God. I don't believe in ANY gods/Gods/deities/higher power. So right away, she should have known this note was NOT going to be met with any positivity whatsoever. Did she HONESTLY think I would read that and say, "OH MY STARS, you're RIGHT! I've been an idiot all this time and NOW I see the light!!! Clearly this STRANGER and her 'GOD' know what's best for me when I do NOT!! Thank you, Jesus!! Erin, I'm going to call you right now and confess my instant spiritual conversion!" I mean, COME ON! At the heart of why I'm bothered is not just the passive-aggression found in the note itself, but ALL the subtext. This is what the note "sounds" like to me: "HI, I was eavesdropping on your private conversation and heard you say you don't believe in the invisible sky daddy. CLEARLY you must be an Atheist because you are too IGNORANT to know any better. OBVIOUSLY I know better than you, know you better than you know yourself, and want to tell you what's right for YOU after having heard you utter that you don't believe what I believe." That's how it feels to me. Erin-4, Lola-4.
2) I'm bothered that my FB friends didn't feel I should be bothered that the note was about "God." Let's face it, folks--THE NOTE WAS ABOUT GOD. So all the "points" made about the note being about something else and not bothering me as much are completely MOOT. But just for the sake of argument (ya'll KNOW how much I love that!), let's imagine that the note said something like this: "Hi, my name is Erin and I overheard you say you don't like vanilla ice cream. That's just awful, because vanilla ice cream really is the best ice cream and you should like it because I do, and lots of other people do. Call me and we'll go out for plain ol' vanilla ice cream!" The subtext is the same as stated above.
3) If the roles were reversed, this discussion would have taken on a whole other flavor. Let's imagine now that I had handed a note to a waitress, to be given to a fellow diner AFTER I left the restaurant. And let's imagine that the note said, "Hi, I'm Lola. I heard you say you are a Christian!! I'm sad for you that you're buying into the whole 'invisible sky daddy' bullshit!! I think you should call me so that I can explain to you why you're wrong and show you what is clearly the truth and the right way and the only way for people to understand the world around them." That would come across as so hateful and so rude and so pretentious and so obnoxious and so out of line, that I would probably be lynched and/or burned at the stake. OK, maybe that's extreme but I think you're picking up what I'm laying down. Erin-4, Lola-5.
Now, to address some of the comments made on my FB:
@Serena, you're right! Since I didn't ask for it, I think she should spread her love where it will be appreciated and welcomed.
@Loretta, I wish I could have! But since she passed the note and bolted, there was no chance for me to tell her to "butt out" or anything else!
@Kelly, sure, ok, I guess I can say that yes, she is doing that particularly CHRISTIAN type of proselytizing...What I don't understand is WHY these folks want a bunch of band-wagon, fair-weather Christians up in "Heaven" anyway. For the record, hanging out in the clouds with a bunch of closed-minded, self-righteous, nosy Christians kinda makes me prefer the idea of the fiery pits of "Hell."
@Amber, I would have LOVED to have laughed in her face!! I would love to have told her exactly how I felt about her little note, her behavior and my feelings about religion in general, Christianity in particular. I know how rude this sounds but this is PISSING ME OFF.
@Sophia, I know, right?
@Matthew, um...Yes, nervy. Not sure what to say about the other thing you said.
@Brenda, excellent point!! I'm sure there's some rule about shepherding the weak...wait, that's Pulp Fiction...But yes, apparently this chick thought maybe her God had missed me and that she should inform me of the "truth."
@Derrick, I adore you for saying that.
@Shannon...LOL!
@Ludwig, a lot about organized religion makes me think of VD's.
@Erik, you know I love you and you know exactly how I feel about this. Thanks again for having my back.
@Eric, bullshit. I know you're just trying to play devil's advocate, but I'm throwing a bullshit flag. You would not have appreciated that any more than I did. Also, with regard to your later comment, again, I must point out that the girl did not stick around to have any sort of conversation with me or to let me see her shining face at all. So there was no chance for argument, rebuttal, or intelligent discourse.
@Gilley, there are scientific studies that put forth that "visions" had during "near-death experiences" are simply hallucinations brought on by brain death. The subconscious is a powerful thing and I think people see partly what they want to see and partly the brain short-circuiting.
@Heidi, I think I've addressed your points sufficiently between FB and this blog posting.
@Steven, since you were around for that time when I was all kinds of gung-ho about "God," "Jesus," and church in general, I think you have more appreciation than most for the changes I've been through. Thank you so much for your elegantly-stated point. You just don't know how much I appreciate it.
@Richard, I will give you the phone number if you want. LOL
@Sarah, you're welcome.
@Stephanie, go right ahead. No one is stopping you and I for one enjoy your dancing.
@Andrew, I'll do my best to answer your questions. I have mixed feelings about this "warning." See my above comment about bandwagon Christians. Not like that. No, she should have just stayed out of it, but to have the balls to approach me directly would have made for an...interesting...conversation. Yes, I believe she would have been furious in that case. I don't know...I don't understand evangelizing in general. I think your last 3 questions have already been answered.
@Jacqueline, I just might.
@Angela, I think many of your points have already been addressed here and on FB.
@Corina, what would you have done in my place?
I know this has been a doozy and I want to thank you all for reading and participating in the discussion. I would just like to make a few more brief points:
*I know how hateful and judgmental I may sound to some of you here. Some of that is me being angry and argumentative. Some of that has more to do with you than it does with me. I refuse to apologize for this. To quote Nao from Work of Art: Next Great Artist, "I am not responsible for your experience with my art."
*I don't believe that all Christians are this obnoxious. Some of my dearest friends are believers. That's fine with me, as long as they don't try to convert me, I will show them the same respect. But if you want to have a discussion with me about this, please know that you WILL NOT change my mind any more than I could change yours. I've considered "your" side, but have you truly considered mine?
*Live and let live. If I'm wrong, then you can gloat for all eternity.
*I understand belief. I really do. I get it. It must be very comforting to believe there is a higher power looking out for you, listening to you, and loving you "unconditionally." There is comfort in the community and comfort in the ritual. I find comfort in NONE OF THIS. (For more in-depth reading about my feelings toward religion, please read my April 2010 posting titled "indignant."
*We can't all be wrong, and we can't all be right. Maybe the truth is really somewhere in the middle. But I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe and let's just leave it at that.
Respectfully and lovingly,
Lola
