i know it's been a while...

I'm sorry, my lovely Lola fans. I haven't written for a while, for several reasons. Largely because I've been incredibly busy and overwhelmed, both at home and at work. But also, instead of suffering from a lack of inspiration, I've had several topics in my mind...rolling around like rocks in one of those polishing tumblers. The problem is, I'm either unsure how to approach them, afraid of putting it all out here for the world to consume, or I've already emotionally vomited enough on Facebook and I feel purged. But today, my darling Jack (as in the Jack to my Karen) listed my blog on his blog and it reminded me that I haven't written. And I felt a little guilty. So here we are.

So today, what's weighing so heavily on my mind, in addition to the stress I'm under at work and the overwhelming amount of things I need to take care of at home, are the mid-term elections, not to mention the issues my state voted on yesterday. I take voting very VERY seriously (it's not just a right but a privilege and an honor), in spite of feeling it's largely pointless in my case, being a blue dot in a red state (though I feel compelled to point out that I did vote for 2 Republicans yesterday, because I vote for PEOPLE not for a PARTY). I feel like, even if my desires have been completely obliterated by the majority, hey, at least I tried...I put my voice out there to be drowned out by everyone else's. But it's so frustrating. It's scary right now, and I'm not saying that to be dramatic.

I'm afraid of losing my rights. I'm afraid of my loved ones losing their rights. I'm afraid of my loved ones never being accepted, never being given equal-footing in this allegedly free country. I'm afraid that my right to choose, that my desire to never be a parent or to be pregnant, will be ripped violently from me. Yes, I'm on birth control and we are planning on a more *ahem* permanent solution. But let's face it: I come from an extremely fertile line of people and birth control is far from 100% safe. I refuse to apologize for my feelings and I ADAMANTLY refuse to be celibate for the rest of my child-bearing years. So who the fuck are these politicians to tell me I can't have an abortion?!?! Is it REALLY that much better to bring even more unwanted children into the world?!! I want to see more of these fucking "pro-lifers" put their goddamned money where their mouths are, by adopting unwanted special needs crack babies. I can't even imagine the resentment I would feel toward the world if I were to get knocked up and then be FORCED to carry that child to term because of some BULLSHIT religious beliefs that have nothing to do with me and should have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with law and policy in this country.

Beyond that, I'm afraid that my homosexual friends, my lovely and amazing LGBTQ and just flat out unsure friends, my flaming queens and my lipstick lesbians, and even my gay Republicans, will continue to be marginalized by the religious right and the social conservatives. I hate that the people in this country who squawk the loudest individual liberties are the very same people who want to take mine away. For people who claim to be all for personal freedom, freedom from an over-bearing government, they sure do seem intent on ensuring that so many Americans will never be truly free. They tell me that my beliefs (or lack thereof) make me un-American. They claim that two men who fall in love with each other and wish to get married somehow negate or denigrate my heterosexual marriage. How is that even possible?!?! The so-called fucking "sanctity of marriage" that the heteros have been violating for CENTURIES is so precious, we have to keep it away from the queenie boys and the bull dykes who want nothing more than to commit themselves to their lovers for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...They don't want anything more than what the rest of us straight-folk have been taking for granted.

I'm sad that my state voted a governor into office who feels superior to me and other women who do not have children. I'm sad that an abusive, narrow-minded bigot like Sally Kern is not only given a platform in this state but re-elected to her post. I'm embarrassed that my state felt it necessary to pass anti-Muslim legislation. I'm embarrassed that my state feels it is above federal health-care legislation. I'm embarrassed that my state demands that you read and speak UH-MUR-ICAN or GET THE FUCK OUT!!! (Disclaimer: This only applies to "fur-ners" who ain't from here. These red-blooded UHMURICAN kids don't need to learn a fucking thing in school, let's just give them all ribbons and trophies and tell them they're glorious and unique and special no matter what they do!)

But you know what? I'm not fucking leaving. For one thing, I can't (har har). In all seriousness, if I left, that would be one less blue dot in this ocean of red. If I left, that would be one less person in this state demanding equal treatment, equal pay, and equal rights for all of us. One less person to stand up against the bullies, the ignorant, the racist, the mis-informed, and the flat-out delusional. So I stay. I stay and I fight and I push and I write and I scream and I do whatever I can at any given moment to further the cause, to remind people that we are all the same on the inside, that we can make a difference. I will make a difference. So to all my fairies, twinks, bears, lipsticks, dykes, asexuals, queers, lovers, queens, and my fellow straight allies, I will not stop. I hope I never let you down. I will stand by you and I will keep pushing until we find ourselves on a truly level playing field. To those who still believe that same-sex marriage is wrong, then here's a novel idea: DON'T MARRY SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX!!

To my fellow Pastafarians, Atheists, to the agnostics and those disillusioned with organized religion: We're in this together. Let's prove that there's life after the fairy-tale that is the Bible, that church isn't the answer for everyone, and that one can be a good person and have a strong moral code without it being dictated by religion.

To my fellow women who believe it's their right to chose how and when and if they reproduce, to my friends who are mothers who don't want any more children, and most especially to my pro-life friends who agree that there are still certain exceptions where abortion should be allowed and should not further traumatize the woman: Let's get together on this and make sure our rights aren't eroded. If you're so pro-life that you don't believe an abortion is appropriate in any case, then here's a novel idea: DON'T HAVE ONE.

I'm here. I'm staying. Get used to it. I will not be quiet and I will not back down.
DEFIANTLY,
Lola